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This blog post is something different from the usual. I try to remain as positive as I can on here, as doom and gloom isn’t something people want to read. I had an experience recently which I would like to share with you.
Call it a cautionary tale.
After two blissful years without a period (I just had to deal with pain flare ups), I started bleeding a few weeks ago. If you’re familiar with endometriosis, or any chronic illness for that matter, when you hit a bump in the road it can cause you to spiral and have a negative impact on your mental health.
I had mentioned to a “friend” that I had been having twinges and I’ll admit I did downplay what had happened but I mentioned I felt completely mental with how I was feeling. The “friend” said to me to tell them what was wrong as I shouldn’t go through this alone.
It was horrible getting my period, and my mind spiraled into “Does this mean the treatment isn’t working?” “Am I going to have to start carrying spare knickers around with me again, just in case?” “If the treatment has stopped working, what else is there I could try?” “Man, I really should have had my eggs frozen, just in case” “I can’t bear the thought of going through the gynae system again.”
Now…I could have understood their response if I’d told them all of that but I didn’t. What I actually told them was I was overthinking it all, maybe the treatment has stopped working, I’ll end up having to crawl to the loo mid flare up because I can’t walk there, and what if I start missing out on stuff again because endometriosis robbed me of my twenties, along with other things.
The response I got was kind of…dismissive, and not very supportive. Which is hilarious when it’s someone who regularly posts that if you need to talk, they’re always there.
I ended the conversation and decided to take some time and deal with how I was feeling.
Some time later, I received a message asking if they’d done anything wrong. I explained I was miffed (massive understatement), and got a reply which asked if I was miffed because of the way they’d brushed my feelings off.
That’s kinda like waving a red flag at a bull. You know why I’m miffed yet you contacted me to ask why?! Since that message, I’ve been assessing whether or not I need this “friend” in my life.
The moral of this cautionary tale is if you’re feeling low about a chronic illness you have, contact someone who actually gets it, and don’t buy into the bullshit of someone saying they’ll be there if you need to talk because they might not be.
When you suffer with a chronic illness, your mental health takes enough of a beating without someones lack of understanding making it worse.
The thing that makes it worse is I didn’t expect this friend to try and solve my problems for me. I just needed someone to listen to how I was feeling, and maybe say I’m sorry you feel like that, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, is there anything I can do to help?
That’s all anyone wants, to be heard.
There will be a post all about Endometriosis and Mental Health coming soon. There will also be some more wonderful examples of unsupportive friends making an appearance in the future.
Take care,
Lis x
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